not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
we're chasing vodka with high fives
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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