Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
