And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize