You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
