the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
