508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
