his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i just made my gag reflex go away.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
