All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
