A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
