god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
