Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize