did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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