dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
