i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize