Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
