guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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