I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Are we still banned from the library?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
