I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
