I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
