I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
