There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
