Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
