Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
