Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
