well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
