I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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