So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize