then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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