You really coming over, don't trick.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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