Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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