I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
