everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Randomize