Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
