did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
you made out with another girl for some wings
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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