Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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