First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
