Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
