Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
