He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
