i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
