It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize