The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
