May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
