ya dads aren't the best wingmen
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
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