Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
