I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
