cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
