she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
