Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
