sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i think i have herpe
just one?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
