I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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