I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
