Heybabeimwearingurpanties
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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