Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
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