If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Randomize
