just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
