your parents love me but you hate me
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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