Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
