i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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