Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
