is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
be right there i have to get my cape
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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