literally had 100 drinks last night.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
