Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Randomize
