sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
