the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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