Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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