So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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