I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
