Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
