dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
