apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
