Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
