Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
