Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
