please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You need Xanax blowdarts
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
