I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
