Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
