dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
