Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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